How to Tell Your Parents You Are Pregnant
Finding out you are pregnant can be big news that comes along with big feelings, big questions, and big considerations.
One thing you might be wondering is how to tell your parent(s) or caregiver(s).
While each teen we serve and support has a unique relationship with their family, there are some general ideas and tips that can help you prepare for this conversation, if and when you are ready. (Remember: You have bodily autonomy, and you can practice it by deciding when and how you want to tell different people in your support network about your pregnancy.)
As you explore these ideas, notice which parts feel easy or accessible. Likewise, notice which parts feel scary or impossible. This information helps you know where to start, as well as where you might need support. You are not alone in this experience. Project Teenbirth, other birth and sexual health advocates, and peers are walking right alongside you.
How to Tell Your Parents You are Pregnant
Prepare yourself for the conversation. This conversation may feel like a complicated one, so give yourself time to get in touch with your feelings, fears, wishes, and so on.
Consider where, when, and with whom you feel most supported. For example, you might not want to start the convo while everyone is rushing around the house getting ready for school or work. You might want to share first with a parent, caregiver, family member you feel most safe with. In addition, you might want a friend or partner you’ve already told to be a part of the conversation for extra support.
Have a safety plan, if needed. If you are concerned that your parent(s) or caregiver(s) will not take the news well and may get angry or violent, have a plan for where you will go and who you will reach out to.
Express what you need from your parents/caregivers. You might say, “I really just need to express myself, and I am not ready for a bunch of questions or advice.” Or perhaps, “I have done a lot of research already, but I need help figuring out what to do.” If you aren’t clear on your needs before you enter the conversation, that is okay. Things may get clear during the conversation, and it’s okay to name your needs as they arise.
Share the facts that you are comfortable with. Choose what information you are ready to share. This may include how far along you are, who the other parent is, how you are feeling (physically and/or emotionally), and/or what research and support you have already tapped into.
Give your parents/caregivers time to respond and process. Your parent(s) or caregiver(s) might have initial reactions and responses, OR they might need to step away from the conversation and get back to you later. Do your best (yes, it’s easier said than done) to not take their reactions personally.
Discuss your options and decisions as it feels helpful. This guide from Planned Parenthood presents the 3 main options-- parenting, abortion, and adoption. Give yourself time to do research and talk to trusted adults and medical providers. Bring your parent(s)/caregiver(s) into the conversation as it feels helpful. If the relationship feels safe and supportive, you might get new ideas and perspectives from your parents as you open up.
This is YOUR Process
The ideas and tips above are simply food for thought; YOU know yourself and your parents best. This process of telling people about your pregnancy is YOUR process. AND you are not alone.
At Project Teenbirth, our purpose is to educate, support, and empower pregnant teens and young parents throughout all pregnancy outcomes. We see you and are here to support you as you decide what your process looks like. Please reach out if you would like to hear more about our full-spectrum doula support services.
Author: Courtney Harris is a witness, space-holder, supporter, and caregiver for families of all types and in all stages; she has worked with youth and their families since 2008. Currently, Courtney serves as a Life Coach for Teens and a Companion for Birth and Beyond. She is passionate about honoring life’s transitions and believes that all birthing people deserve compassionate, steady, and informed support throughout their unique reproductive journeys. You can connect with Courtney here and across all social media platforms at @companioncourtney.